Wednesday, May 4, 2011
So much is happening in my life (actually retiring, going to a retirement dinner where I was the uncomfortable but grateful center of attention, dealing with a panopoly of issues at the house in Endicott where we are moving on May 12, feeling myself suddenly becoming weirdly and wildly detached from many of my gravity anchors for the past 15 years and finding this sudden buoyancy scarily exhilarating as I struggle to tell up from down and forward from backward) that I feel incapable of capturing via these words even the faintest faintly true reflection of the dizzying chain of events, thoughts and feelings that have been cohabiting my being for the past several weeks. Cohabiting? Interesting. I guess I'm beginning to internalize the observer role the Eckhart Tolle talks about. He describes a critical point in his spiritual awakening when heard himself saying. "I can't stand me." or something like that. He was struck by the duality of his statement. Who was the me and who was the I? When I meditate I am able, sometimes, to get to a point where I realize, feel, know that all of this business of living that sucks me in and makes me crazy with roller coaster emotions is really not me or even a reflection of me. It's important that I deal with the life's challenges but I don't need to identify so deeply with them. Cohabitation, yes, but I own the house and don't have to put up with unwanted visitors. Life continues to amaze and baffle me. I remain extraordinarily grateful for all of the mixed blessings I have received.