In my last post I noted that some of the happiest times in my life was when I was deeply involved in a cause or a project. Something I could lose myself in. (How does this jive with the loss of self goal of Buddhism and meditation?) I don't want the mistakes I made in obsessive involvement repeat themselves by me losing myself on some spiritual path. This aversion to single minded commitment is reinforced by my conviction most of the evil in the world is the work of true believers. But you're either on the bus or off the bus. Right?
This is difficult. I want salvation but what price am I willing to pay. There is a part of me that has a strong desire to become deeply involved in Buddhist practice. To go to a retreat center and spend months in deep meditation. Will I lose myself or find where I really reside?