Saturday, April 5, 2014

Musical Resurrection

I'm playing guitar and singing again. It's been at least ten years since I've been into the music like this.  It's wonderful..  I'm spending hours in the basement with my old Guild acoustic, my new Fishman Loudbox Artist amplifier and a mishmash of new cables, microphones, harmonicas, mic stands. electrical leads, etc.  I'm having a wonderful time playing old and new songs.  It's fascinating to me that I still remember the words and chords to so many songs - well over fifty. Lots of 1970s singer/songwriter pieces - John Prine, Neil Young, Van Morrison, Jackson Browne.

Why now? Not sure.  Maybe a comment my daughter made about how watching John Prine on TV made her cry because it reminded her of my playing.  Her telling me that stirred a memory of the deep satisfaction and joy I used to get from music and am now experiencing again. Another factor is the new amp.  I consciously bought it as an incentive to play.  I figured if I spent that money I'd feel obligated to make the most of it.  It also helped stoke fantasies of playing out at small venues. Probably a pipe dream but fun to think about anyway.

I haven't posted a blog entry in months, almost a year.  I wonder if my playing my heart out for myself in the cellar has replaced my tortuous efforts to express myself in words trough this blog.  It's very difficult for me to write something that feels as soulful and good as wailing on the harmonica while strumming a blues chord progression.  I know they're totally different things but the truth is I want the same thing from get outside of my skin and fly.  Not into a blissful, gauzy emptiness but into a rawness and realness that makes me feel alive. It's beautiful and it's those moments that help me make sense of my life and perhaps make life worth living. I can't help but believe this expansive, connected place holds the same wonder and importance for others.    It makes me think of the the last lines of  "Gracias a Vida" by Violetta Parra (which I've sung over and over over the past few months.)  "El canto de ustedes es el mismo canto, el canto de todos es mi propio canto."  "your song is the same song.  the song of everyone is my own song."

I long to find the music and the words which transport me into the ether of our shared humanity. That reminds me I'm not alone in my loneliness and my joy.  An ending and a beginning. A resolution and a resurrection.